The Secret to Happiness

Despite a series of really fun events, today has been really hard for me. When I got down on my knees I sobbed and asked Heavenly Father to just hold me for a while. I share this because I know that you have days or weeks or months like this too. So when you forget how to breathe, here is something to help you remember:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVNYhcYEwIE

Its My Life And I'll Cry If I Want To

When was the last time you heard someone say "Why am I acting like such a girl"? It could relate to just about anything. A break up, a friendship, something in the family and sometimes it involves tears and we foolishly brush them away acting as though it is 'no big deal', trying to play tough. So when was the last time YOU said something similar to "Why am I being such a girl about this"? Did you say it in frustration that maybe you were listening to sad songs or maybe feeling abandonded or feeling lonely or maybe you just want to talk it all out with someone. I don't know what it is that causes your femininity to shine though, but i'm sure when all is said and done, I've likely done them all. You know, you're not alone in being female.

 

So heres the question What is wrong with being "Such a girl" anyway? To be honest, I like it. I mean, crying certainly doesn't top my favorite things but it absolutely is part of what makes me, ME. Who said we can't cry? Who said we need to act like men? Quite frankly, I don't want to!

Sister Margaret D. Nadauld once said "Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity".

I love that. I don't want to be a woman of the world and I hope no one ever mistakes me for one. There are plenty of women who fill that role, they only want careers or power or money, but I want a home, a family and to build the kingdom of God. Lets not allow the world to trick us into being like everyone else.

 

Lets be who we were created to be. Daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves us and is mindful of us. So go ahead, cry if you want to. Next time that break up comes, let the tears flow, that is what makes us women. We hurt, we feel, we are tender-hearted. I wouldn't have it any other way. President Hinckley said "Woman is God's supreme creation" and I'll take a prophets word for it. I love being a woman! Tears, emotions, over-reactions and everything else that comes with it. It is who I am.

So come on girls, let us leave the men to what they are doing and be women. Sisters, regardless of who you are, "please understand all that you are and must be, all that you were prepared to be in royal courts on high by God Himself. (Sister Nadauld)

I don't know why we're always trying so hard to fit in anyway, when it is clear that we were born to stand out.

Have ye any that are sick among you?

I visited the hospital tonight. For everyones information Audrey Gonzalez had her gallbladder removed. So far she seems to be doing well but PLEASE keep her in your prayers. As I was walking the halls of the hospital I was hurting for the sick and afflicted there. How lucky I am to enjoy health. These patients come with various diseases and pains of every kind. Most come to have their wounds healed or their bodies made whole. Theirs are physical ailments. What of spiritual sickness?

Aren't we all patients in life? I mean really, we're all sick in some way. We all need to be healed. In some sense I think we are all broken and need to be fixed, but not with a cast. We imagine to ourselves that we are the only ones struggling, that we are the only one who need repair. The reality is we are surrounded by wounded souls all desperate for better health. You pass them on the street, see them in the grocery store, sit next to them in class and talk with them everyday. They look just fine to you, yes of course they do because we can only see what is on outside.

Perhaps if we could see deeper, into their souls we would see a little bit more. The girl you just passed, spiritually has a broken arm or a the boy who sits next to you, spiritually is limping his way home. Maybe its worse than that. Maybe your roommate is on crutches, wobbling around while another is sitting in a wheelchair, she is really struggling but on the outside she looks just fine. Maybe its so bad they're dragging an oxygen tank behind them, barely breathing living on what they have got left. Or missing a limb. They need help. We all do.

Isn't that what the gospel is about? I mean really. We don't go to church because we are perfect. We go to church to be healed. It is, in a sense, a spiritual hospital where the doctor is always in. I know that I am broken but I also KNOW that I can be fixed. Just not alone. And so President Monson says; "Remember that you do not walk alone. … As I [have] turned to the scriptures for inspiration, a particular word [has] stood out time and time again. The word [is] ‘come.’ The Lord said, ‘Come unto me.’ He said, ‘Come learn of me.’ He also said, ‘Come, follow me.’ I like that word, come. My plea is that we would come to the Lord.”

He is the Master, the ultimate Healer. If you are broken, it is fixable. If you are hurting, it can be healed. If you are crying, He will wipe away your tear. He has the ability and He WANTS to help. If you're the one in the cast, with a crutch, in a wheelchair, or maybe you're discouraged, depressed or your heart is broken...remember that these are His words, not mine:

"Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or maimed, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you; my bowels are filled with mercy."

(3 Nephi 17:6)

But now maybe we're thinking...well that leaves me out. I am not blind or maimed or leprous? And so we look at it a little differently. Perhaps He would say to us now,

"Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are depressed or lonely or cannot choose a major, who don't know who to marry, are out of money, had their heart broken, who have low self-esteem, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them."

"Bring them hither and
I will heal them"

White as snow

You know, I'm from California and being such sometimes it is a struggle for me to be here in Utah in the snow. I love the snow! It is so beautiful and fun...i'm just accustomed to driving to it whenever I want it...not living in it. Anyway, over the years I have come to the conclusion that even if the cold is painful the white is glorious! I wonder what it would be like if snow were black? Depressing right? Plus the cold! bleh. But its so perfectly clean and bright. I love to sit at my window and watch it fall...its peaceful, its comforting even.

There is that scripture from Isaiah where the Lord says, "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow” (Isa. 1:18). Isnt' that incredible?! Even though the sin could have caused you to be unclean, o be blemished or covered so dark to be considered scarlet...you CAN BE WHITE...as snow. Wow. Talk about a miracle.

So every Wednesday morning at 6am I work int he Provo Temple. I love it so much. I want to tell you a little about it. First of all, the feeling of the Temple is unlike any other. I know you all know what I am talking about...but to be able to "work" there and help others is such a neat experience. One thing I appreciate about the Temple is the fact that wherever you are or whatever you're doing there is ALWAYS somebody dressed in white to help lead you to where you are going. What a precious concept...God always has a guide for us.

Today I was helping in an Endowment session. I was sitting the front of a large room FILLED with sisters and brothers all dressed in white. I remember just staring out at them and thinking how absolutely beautiful it was to me. We were all there with the same purpose, to build the kingdom and strengthen each other. I looked around and saw so many different people. Tall and short, blonde and brunette, healthy or ill. But we were all the same. 

Isn't it sad how the world has tricked us into looking at others and at ourselves with a critical eye? In the Temple we are all the same. Everyone dressed in long dresses with long sleeves, white shoes or slippers, the men in white shirts with white ties and even sometimes white suspenders. Its adorable really. There is nothing to compare when you are in the Temple. The purpose behind white is that it is symbolically pure. So gathered in a room with so many people clean and bright just brings out the emotion in me!

But the point is we are all the same. Children of God. No, none of us is perfect, the Temple is more like a hospital than anything. It teaches us and then it heals and it helps. Today I saw all kinds of people...I saw black hair turned gray, I saw different cultures. There was a woman with cankles, a man with no hair, a woman dragging an oxygen tank behind her, a woman who couldn't lift her arms, there was a man helping his wife and a woman who was borderline deaf. That is only the physical. I saw a couple holding hands, a girl in thoughtful prayer, a young pregnant woman laugh at her husband, a young man who looked as though he didn't know what to do with his life, a man reading scriptures as though he was searching for an answer, yes someone was crying.

And there I sat...looking out on all these brothers and sisters of mine and I thought "they've never looked more beautful to me". There is something about all that white, all that purity, all those men and women giving their best and giving their all. It almost takes my breath away and brings me to the verge of tears. Can you imagine how pleased our Heavenly Father must be?

Well girls, I cannot wait for you to get there too! Some of you are endowed and you know what i'm talking about but for the rest of you...get ready, it is so incredible! How we get there sometimes takes time and overcoming challenges, repenting and really doing our best, but no matter what happens it WILL BE as the Lord describes, "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow".

I want to see YOU in WHITE!

Through God All things are Possible

On Saturday I thought a lot about the approaching Stake Conference. I was really concerned about it because my health problems often make it difficult for me to sit for long periods of time and disrupt my attentiveness and receptiveness. Last stake conference I had to leave in the middle of both sessions because my symptoms got out of my control and even when I was in the room, I absorbed almost nothing of what was said. I was not excited about a repeat of that experience. So I prayed a lot. I asked our Father to help me prepare for conference and be engaged while I was there. And just like Shayna talked about in her first post, He is up there just waiting for us to ask so he can give and we can receive. Yesterday was wonderful. I felt like the whole conference was over in the blink of an eye and I left each session feeling so uplifted and a little more whole. I hope each of you were also able to take home treasures of knowledge to help you on this mortal journey.

Yesterday I was thinking a lot about the destruction happening all over the globe. 7 young men from my ward last year are on their missions in Chile right now. So far, we have only heard news about one, who--thank God!--is okay. Sometimes I let myself forget how close to home all these things are. Our brothers and sisters are the ones enduring these tribulations. So let us join together and offer them the greatest aid that exists in the world--our prayers.

Through God, all things are possible!

Everyone should have a George

A few weeks ago I had a dream. I was at some activity with my family and I met this guy, he wasn't too tall, kind of stocky, had light brown hair and thought he was funny. His name was George. Sounds like a nerd doesn't he? Even his name! But I remember when I woke up I laughed out loud and then I felt like, hey, he was cute. I have had dreams about boys or being married or something but I never see their faces and certainly never get a name. Now, don't misunderstand, this was not a vision of any sort but it did open my eyes to something...

Maybe I shouldn't confess this but I love family channel movies and hallmark. Totally dorky I know, but I love them! Once I watched one called "Everything You Want" about a girl who invents an imaginary friend as a child. By the time she is college he has evolved into her imaginary boyfriend. He is perfect, watches chick-flicks, is completely understanding, brings her flowers, etc. You know the whole "tall, dark and handsome" syndrome. Well, in real life she meets a boy in one of her classes...he is not the ideal. He challenges her, they fight, he is obnoxious but she finds herself attracted to him. Somehow she lets it slip out that she has a boyfriend (yes...he's fake) and it goes from there. My point? She is so busy spouting off the ideal and listing the qualities she wants that she cannot see how much she cares for the real boy and that while not a collection of all her ideals, he is "everything you want".

Isn't it funny that while we don't have imaginary boyfriends (at least I hope not!) we have an ideal in mind. We think we need tall, dark and handsome OR we need blonde hair, blue eyes and a California tan. Ha ha ha. Sometimes we let that list get in our way. We think those are the things we need when really they are just wants or ideals and then we miss out on some of the things we actually NEED and that can actually work.

So I woke up a week ago with George on my mind. A nerdy little George. I think everyone needs a George. Doesn't that name just make you laugh? hahaha. I am still laughing. In my dream he wasn't the ideal...in fact not even close to "my type". But what does that mean anyway? Just because I like blue eyes doesn't mean that the last boy I dated (who by the way had brown eyes) wasn't someone for me to love. I've got to get off of my list and into my life. There are people everywhere. It has been really funny, first of all asking basically everyone I know if they know a George (hahaha) just for fun. And then walking around campus looking for him! Really I've just been realizing we could love so many different people. Don't let us get it stuck in our heads that we have a 'type' or that we NEED certain things. Yes, we all have needs, but let them be spiritually based; treating you with kindness, respect, having a strong testimony, having understanding and love. Not physical needs of hair color or a height requirement.

A quote the same week as the dream got me thinking. Elder Bednar said, “As we visit with young adults all over the church they often will ask – what are the characteristics I should look for in a future spouse? – as though they have some checklist… And I rather forcefully say to them – you are so arrogant to think that you are some catch and that you want someone else who has these things for you! If you found somebody who had these characteristics that you’re looking for, what makes you think they’d want to marry you? The “list” is not for evaluating someone else – the list is for you and what you need to become. And so if there are three primary characteristics that you hope to find in an eternal companion, than those are the three things you ought to be working to become. Then you will be attractive to someone who has those things… you’re not on a shopping spree looking for the greatest value with a series of characteristics. You become what you hope your spouse will be and you’ll have a greater likelihood of finding that person.’”

So yes, now the list is gone... out the window. I wander around campus smiling, thinking about how many options there are and who it could be...because we have thousands of Georges all over! Okay, so far I haven't even met one person named George! Ha Ha. But the "ideal" isn't what I thought it was going to be. I've realized the list is for me and as I work on it then we'll just have to wait and see! No imaginary friends, no list of requirements, just George...whoever he is.

Yes, everyone should have a George.

Reminded of Mortality

So Wednesday of this week I was doing a favor for my friend, I hit one of those ditches in the middle of residential neighborhoods and scraped up the bottom of my car. Ouch. I didn't think any damage had been done until two hours later I came back out to my parked car after doing the favor and it wouldn't shift into reverse! Yeah, my poor little "Beauty" (long story). I laughed at the circumstances and called my roommate Tori for a ride home, but had I not had a boy in the car I think I probably would have just started crying. My car was dead.

Now I know to compare such a thing as a car to mortal beings is somewhat foolish. But that is where my mind wandered. I was reminded that anything can happen anytime. I guess more than anything I was reminded to be grateful. Yeah its a hassle I'll have to deal with getting a new car or figuring out how to get from point A to point B. But while I had my car I never recognized what a blessing it was. This doesn't just go for cars. This is for friends, for clothes and food. This is gratitude for all the things we take for granted, that we use everyday but barely acknowledge until or unless we don't have them anymore.


In January our house flooded and because of that we could hardly cook in the kitchen. Gosh, I missed cooking! We didn't have a couch (still don't) and I didn't realize how much I really loved our couch! haha. Its the little things. We get a short break at Christmas to spend with our families and then suddenly we're back at school without them. I miss them. I miss advice or jokes or games with them. Its all the little things that we need and love the most. Lets be grateful for them WHILE we have them, instead of only realizing our loss once it is gone

And so in comtemplating what to do with Beauty and figuring out life temporarily without a car I was reminded that gratitude is what counts. How happy you are now is dependent on how well you can see the hand of the Lord in your life and the great blessings He has ALREADY given to you. Remember that.